fatherhood – Page 3 – A Father Heard

What, Exactly, Do Fathers Provide?

November 27, 2018November 27, 2018 A Father Heard

A few weeks ago, a discussion around fathers as providers became a topic for deliberation in our fatherhood group. And, the conversation was nothing short of spectacular! Who knew that guys have more things to talk about then women, cars, and sports? As someone, who sits with fathers on a daily basis sharing in their lived experiences as fathers, I’ve been privy to this phenomenon for some time.

When this conversation comes up; usually, the typical response for fathers around provision comes down to money for shelter and other basic needs. Granted those things are very important for the family’s well being. They are not the most important thing, that the dad brings to the proverbial table. If not, then what is it?

Why is provider, consistently, mentioned before any other traits to describe his role? As fathers, we’re hard-wired for doing. We constantly measure for progress and success to show that our doing is working in our favor. When we meet someone new, we quickly ask the following question: “What do you do?” It’s followed up with “I am a … (insert some occupation).” More often that not, it doesn’t lead to anything of significance for further discussion.

Often times, we’re engaging in doing something that we don’t like for the sole purpose of taking care of our family. It might be stealing our joy or time with our family, but we do it with little thought of the consequence or toll on our love ones. One thing I know this to be true is when I put my energy in places that it shouldn’t be, operating at my best is not possible. It’s a disservice to my well being.

As fathers, our children need us to be at our best for them. More importantly, they need us to be the best for ourselves. When he’s the best version of himself, he’s providing his children with so much more than basic needs. He’s providing them with everything that they need, which is a healthy, whole father loving himself for the sake of his family. Now, he’s giving from a completely different place. He’s giving from his heart, which was designed for unconditionally loving his family. He’s providing vision for the most important people entrusted to him. Ultimately, it will outlast the money for physical shelter and basic needs. This love is the building block for his legacy! When it’s all said and done, his family will have an accurate account of what he has done with his life.

What vision do you have for your family? What legacy do you want to leave? Fill free to comment below.

No Words!

November 8, 2018August 14, 2025 A Father Heard

This morning, I woke to the news of the shooting that took place in Thousand Oaks, California. And, immediately, I knew that this tragedy will start yet another discussion on the reasons for or against stricter gun laws. Truth be told! I’m sick of the insensitivity of both sides of the argument.

People are mourning over the loss of loved ones, while our country takes up their banner to promote their belief system. Let’s step down off of our moral high ground to show honor and respect for those, who are grieving.

No Words!

If you saw and heard the father of one of the victims, you would realize that there’s a time and a place for everything. As a father, the devastation in his voice touched me deeply! I can’t begin to imagine, what he might be feeling, as he processes the lost of his first born son.

Father Speaks Out Tragedy in Thousand Oaks

After watching the video on my timeline, I thought about my own children as they lay peacefully in their beds. Doing life with a two- and a four- year old is tiring and crazy! But, that’s what I signed up for as their father. God forbid that someone would take that away from me.

As a father, I want the ABSOLUTE best for my children. Why? Because, they are a part of me. I give my all to protecting my children from the demons of this world. And, this father has been stripped of his role of protector of his son’s well being. His heart has been ripped into peace like skin, that was penetrated by bullets. It’s been trampled like many of the individuals, who laid on the floor as the the shoots rang through that little bar. Think on that for a minute before you carry on with the gun control debate.

Hopefully, speechless has become a part of your arsenal to help heal a hurting community and Nation. Please…No more Words! Unless, you have words of encouragement to offer. As I finish clicking the keys on this laptop, I’ll get up and place gentle kisses on their heads. I’ll whisper these words into their ears: YOUR DADDY LOVES YOU! I’ll pray for those, who have been directly and indirectly impacted by this tragedy.

Why? Simply put! We need to recognize that life and death resides in the power of the tongue. The time will come to make your voice heard loud and clear. However, I believe that the time has come to be still.

It’s time for…No Words!

sunset person love people — Photo by Josh Willink on Pexels.com

Fatherhood is Important!

October 21, 2018November 5, 2018 A Father Heard

The thought of not being able to see my children for an extended period of time is unfathomable to me. Yet in this country, there are 19.7 million children living without a father in the home according to the 2017 U.S. Census Bureau. This figure is down from 25.4 million children a few years ago. But, it’s still unacceptable! If it doesn’t upset you, then you must not understand the importance of fathers to their families.

When we look at the impact of a father’s absence, we see how lives are touched in a negative way. Check out the info graph created by the National Fatherhood Initiative for facts on this father crisis. A father’s absence can manifest in a child’s life as the following:

Increased risk for teen pregnancy
Increased risk for criminal behavior and jail time
Increased risk of poverty
Decreased health outcomes for mother and child
Poor educational outcomes.
Increased risk of substance abuse
Increased risk for obesity

I’m sure that you’ve seen how this plays out in homes across the country. Dad leaves (or is not in the home) for whatever reason, and the family begins to suffer. The mother-father relationship is fractured. The parent-child relationship is strained. And, the child is trying to make sense of who they are in this world. As well as, processing whether or not they are loved by their parents. Ultimately, the children begin to act out!

Through it all, this fact remains to be true. The dad is impacted by his absence on a much deeper level than people realize. I’m convinced of this state…the more that I work with fathers. With the exception of those really bad apples, a large majority of the fathers want to play a role in the lives of their children. He is the one, who sees his role as provider, protector, and teacher of his children. He is the role model for his son on how a man is to treat women. He is the model for his daughter on how she is to be treated by men. The family, which is believed by many to be the foundation of society, is operating at a huge deficit. When the family unit suffers, our society is guaranteed to suffer.

Where are the fathers? Why aren’t they sticking around for the long haul? Why was involved, responsible, and committed not a part of his story. There are so many valid reasons. Of them all, shame and guilt is the biggest culprit in my mind. You don’t know how many times, we’ve had men opt out on a relationship with their children because they felt inadequate as a father. They’re not making the kind of money, that they want to make. Therefore, they don’t go around to see their kids. In their minds, it’s a valid excuse. But, time is more important than the money. The statistics above prove that too us. Many times, it’s the mom withholding the child. Why? She’s frustrated that it didn’t work out, and this is how to get back at him. All too often, the family leaves due to the father being violent towards the mom. Domestic violence is never the way to lead as a father!

“A true father should be a standard feature…not a temporary option!”–Isaac Rowe

If you’re a father, and you’re reading this article. Do whatever is in your power to stay involved, responsible, and committed to meeting the needs of your children. Their well-being is counting on it. Most importantly, your legacy is being created one way or another. How you walk that out is completely up to you! My prayer is that at the end of your life, your children (as well as mine) and their mothers will have nothing short of praise for us! Hopefully, our absence will not leave an abyss in our families. But, will flood their hearts with the most important thing a father has to offer. LOVE!

Photo by Andreas Wohlfahrt on Pexels.com

“You Should Meet Someone!”

September 30, 2018September 30, 2018 A Father Heard

This Saturday, the team and I invited men ages 16+ to attend the second annual Mastering Manhood Conference. The purpose of the Mastering Manhood Conference is to empower for personal and professional development. We seek to inspire and encourage men to embrace community, responsibility, education, family, and legacy. To challenge and strengthen our men and young men to be leaders. What does that mean? We believe reclaiming the individual’s ideal of his manhood will redefine his community. At the intersection of reclaiming masculinity and redefining community, you’ll find a man walking a journey to a healthier version of himself.

In this day and age, we see many terms thrown around to define certain things. We’re not interested in aligning with those buzzwords. What we want to see is for men to be, who they are meant to be at the innermost of their core. Too many times, that is lost through life a person’s experiences, i.e. absent father, broken relationships, chasing success, etc. Through these experiences, the man loses his purpose. And, a man without a purpose is a danger to himself and society. We desire to change it.

The “Art of the Comeback” was this year’s theme for the conference. I don’t think anyone left away disappointed. The speakers and men in attendance were in one accord on this day. And, it was a tremendous time of inspiration, reflection, connection, and compassion. Words not, often, associated with men. It is, however, what we aimed for when we thought about creating this event. It has become an exciting and safe space for men to be men without their masks. Vulnerable! Hungry! Passionate for change!

How, exactly, did this event come into existence. It started with a follow through on “You should meet someone!” and a challenge to “Dream Big” after two different meetings. Those two statements uttered two years ago, set the stage for three friends to take on the task of designing the Mastering Manhood Conference. As we followed the recommendation to meeting someone, we came face to face with our own vulnerabilities, hunger, and passion for change. Totally in alignment with the vision, we stumbled upon an actualization of our purpose as you can see in the picture below. This young man flew from the Midwest to Texas to participate in the conference. Unsure of what to expect, he arrived with an open heart. He left filled, and ready to accept the challenge of “meeting someone” and finding his own purpose.

Mastering Manhood

August 19, 2018August 19, 2018 A Father Heard

As of late, there’s been much talk about masculinity and what it means to be a man. Considering all of the negative statistics related to behaviors from men, it is wise for our society to think about the impact of masculinity. With focus and intention, masculinity on display is a very constructive force to be reckoned with. For instance, a husband loving his spouse as she battles through a terminal illness. Although he’s been pushed to the limits of his emotions, he continues to love her unconditionally. His love births in us a desire to be more loving to our own family. When left unchecked, it is as destructive as a wildfire on a windy day. His tongue is uncontrollable, and everyone is tip toeing around the house to avoid setting off a ticking time bomb. Let’s flee as fast as we can from being like the last father, and flock to becoming more like the husband.

man in black crew neck shirt taking selfie — Photo by Arvind shakya on Pexels.com

Walking this journey to becoming a man is a long, arduous process. Becoming a man is full of up’s and down’s. It’s littered with contradictions as to who he really is and who the society wants him to be. Constantly striving to reach the pinnacle of manhood, men of all ages are navigating the idea of what it means to be a man. Can one really Master Manhood? What does that really mean? If you go to Mastering Manhood, you’ll get a glimpse.

My friends (Joshua Banks and Isaac Rowe) decided that we needed to do something in our city to build up our men. As you may recall in my first post (Can You Hear Me?), Frederick Douglass suggested that “It’s easier to build strong children than to repair broken men.” However, it doesn’t mean that we don’t try! We went well past try, and DID THE THING in the form of a conference. We feel wholeheartedly; in order to redefine community, we must reclaim masculinity. It’s our desire to empower and inspire men to embrace community, responsibility, family, education, and legacy. A man, who isn’t willing to tackle those five areas in his life, is doomed to crack on the pressure. The Mastering Manhood Conference is designed to bring men together to play an active role in their personal and professional development. When we focus and create a powerful intention, we heal ourselves and those connected to us. Now, that’s what it means to be a man!