Tag: fathers

Eight Simple (& Powerful) Affirmations from Dads to their Children

A Father Heard

A few weeks ago, I posed this question online: “When you look back at your childhood, what did you need to hear from your father?” The 100+ responses from men and women, let me know that these adults placed a certain amount of value, whether it was high or low, upon what their fathers said and didn’t say to them as they were growing up with or without the presence of their father.

Based upon the response, I heard the pain and anguish associated with not receiving positive words from their father or I heard the strength and resolve connected to uplifting words. It’s not uncommon knowledge that children want the approval of their parents; and specifically, approval of their fathers. There’s plenty of data to suggest the magnitude of a father’s presence.

When a father understands his worth, he conducts himself differently for his children’s livelihood in an effort to build self worth in his children. It extends further than making sure that food is on the table, clothes are on the back, and a roof is over the head. The lens through which our children see the world is, directly, tied to the deposits of a lifetime overflowing with praise or criticism.

He recognizes the lie of “Sticks and stones may break my bones. But, names will never hurt me.” He understands that “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” according to Proverbs 15:1. He remembers the connection between his legacy and his behavior are interwoven.

What he says matters!

How he says it matters!

When he says it matters!

Why he says it matters!

When the what, how, when, and why are in alignment, trust his child’s world is better off for it! As an adult, when his child answers a random question online, positive memories bring tears of joy. Well done, Dad! Well done!

2020 Man In Me Virtual Summit

A Father Heard

If you’ll recall from a previous article, I co-founded the Mastering Manhood Conference with two of my buddies, through the Man in Me. As we were in early in preparation for planning the conference, the pandemic hit. With the uncertainty of 2020, we reluctantly decided to cancel what would have been our 4th Annual Mastering Manhood Conference.

With that decision to wait until 2021, there were numerous request to have an event. In this pandemic; despite Zoom fatigue, people are in need of connection. Our Founder and President, Isaac Rowe embarked on pulling off the organizations first summit. On Saturday, August 15th, The Man Me Virtual Summit consisted of two tracks running simultaneously for our participants to engage in personal and professional development.

Here are the recordings of the event:

Hosted by Joshua Banks
– Opening Remarks: Isaac Rowe
-Session 1A: Time 10:10–11:10 Crissy Butts – “Creating a Fun Happy Cave with your Kids”
-Session 2A: Time 11:15 –12:15 Leah Leone, J.D. – “Successful Co-Parenting is for Grown Folks”
-Session 3A: Time 12:20 – 1:35 2020 & Man! (Panel) Bavu Blakes – Moderator Teddy Jones – Panelist Brandon Woodson – Panelist Ceasar F. Barajas – Panelist Darryl Thomas Jr. – Panelist
-BONUS Session 4A & 4B: Time 1:40 – 2:15 “Work Life – Balance: Building Business & Community with the Family” Amber Rowe Isaac Rowe
Hosted by Alonzo Blankenship
– Opening Remarks: Isaac Rowe
-Session 1B: Time 10:10–11:10 Mayor Larry Wallace PhD – “Courageous Leadership”
-Session 2B: Time 11:15 –12:15 Corey Jones – “How Childhood Trauma Affects Manhood”
-Session 3B: Time 12:20 – 1:35 Morgan Susan Taylor, MA – “The Sex Talk Café Live!”
-BONUS Session 4A & 4B: Time 1:40 – 2:15 “Work – Life – Balance: Building Business & Community with the Family” Amber Rowe Isaac Rowe

If we had allowed the pandemic to dictate life for us, this event never makes it off of the ground. The purpose and passion for serving the community is and was the driving force for making it happen for the men and women, who attended this incredible event. Can’t wait to see what happens next.

Question: What things have you started or produced during the pandemic?

No Words!

A Father Heard

This morning, I woke to the news of the shooting that took place in Thousand Oaks, California. And, immediately, I knew that this tragedy will start yet another discussion on the reasons for or against stricter gun laws. Truth be told! I’m sick of the insensitivity of both sides of the argument.

People are mourning over the loss of loved ones, while our country takes up their banner to promote their belief system. Let’s step down off of our moral high ground to show honor and respect for those, who are grieving.

No Words!

If you saw and heard the father of one of the victims, you would realize that there’s a time and a place for everything. As a father, the devastation in his voice touched me deeply! I can’t begin to imagine, what he might be feeling, as he processes the lost of his first born son.

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After watching the video on my timeline, I thought about my own children as they lay peacefully in their beds.  Doing life with a two- and a four- year old is tiring and crazy! But, that’s what I signed up for as their father.  God forbid that someone would take that away from me.

As a father, I want the ABSOLUTE best for my children. Why? Because, they are a part of me.  I give my all to protecting my children from the demons of this world. And, this father has been stripped of his role of protector of his son’s well being. His heart has been ripped into peace like skin, that was penetrated by bullets.  It’s been trampled like many of the individuals, who laid on the floor as the the shoots rang through that little bar.  Think on that for a minute before you carry on with the gun control debate.

Hopefully, speechless has become a part of your arsenal to help heal a hurting community and Nation. Please…No more Words! Unless, you have words of encouragement to offer.  As I finish clicking the keys on this laptop, I’ll get up and place gentle kisses on their heads. I’ll whisper these words into their ears: YOUR DADDY LOVES YOU! I’ll pray for those, who have been directly and indirectly impacted by this tragedy.

Why? Simply put!  We need to recognize that life and death resides in the power of the tongue.  The time will come to make your voice heard loud and clear.  However, I believe that the time has come to be still.

It’s time for…No Words!

sunset person love people
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I Tell You What!!!

A Father Heard

If you haven’t heard it, let me be the first to tell you that marriage and parenting are AWESOME. However, they require a lot of work. If you’re not committed to putting in the work, then you might as well not embark on the journey.

Case in point!

My wife and I have been fighting an uphill battle with getting our toddler to sleep. She’s approaching three years of age, and one would think that she’s never had a sleep routine. And, she does.  However, she’s determined to make the routine work in her favor.

Every day for as long as I can remember, we put her in her bed. She gets up. We put her back in the bed. She gets up. And, the same song and dance goes on and on until she falls asleep hours after putting her into her room.

We make the room comfortable for her. We make sure that she has music. We. We. We are putting in a lot of effort. But, the result on most nights is the same.

So, I decided to try something different. I set the firm boundary as directed in some parenting material on bedtime. However, I didn’t give the memo to her mother. Well, I did leave the material on the table. But, I didn’t let her know that I was prepared to use it.

What transpired next is that the failure to communicate led to a breakdown in further communication between my wife and I. Uh oh! How exactly did that happen? I’m so glad that you asked.

Well, I’m the firm one. My wife is firm in her own way. And, our daughter is very aware of this dynamic.  After I set my firm boundary, which worked for quite some time until her mother arose from her studies. We found ourselves back at square one.  This time, I decided that I was no longer a participant in the song and dance. I exited stage left. As I left, I stated that the two of them would have to decided who was going to be the boss without my input.  That’s not a direct quote. But, something to that effect.

No harm! No foul! Or, so I thought!

My loving wife, who hadn’t been very firm with our child, became firm with her loving husband.  Uh oh!

Now, we’re communicating. For the record, we weren’t cussing and yelling and screaming. However, the short conversation was very unproductive. Which means I went in my room and she continued putting the child to sleep.  (You notice she went from my daughter to the child…right?)

In our frustration, we left it alone until the morning. Tension continues growing. And, everyone is in a bad mood. No one is courageous enough to put pride aside and talk to the other, and we let it fester.  After the kids get out of the car for school, we attempt to have an assertive conversation about the previous night. Attempt. Both, still, in our feelings about the other’s actions makes it difficult to understand the other’s position. But, we tried and failed!

Eventually, we made it back on to the same page. It took the distance and time created by the work day. By the end of the day, we had grown tired of being frustrated and angry with each other. We gave the other the benefit of the doubt. We were able to, adequately, express our position and own our part in the situation.

So, It wasn’t my intention to hurt her feelings. It wasn’t her intention to hurt mine. Despite our intentions, we didn’t Speak Life into our situation.  We allowed the song and dance of the bedtime routine to uncover our vulnerabilities as parents!  And, I tell you what…

I’m glad that we did! Now, we’re a more united front in this thing called marriage and parenthood.

board game business challenge chess
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Fatherhood is Important!

A Father Heard

The thought of not being able to see my children for an extended period of time is unfathomable to me.  Yet in this country, there are 19.7 million children living without a father in the home according to the 2017 U.S. Census Bureau.  This figure is down from 25.4 million children a few years ago.  But, it’s still unacceptable!  If it doesn’t upset you, then you must not understand the importance of fathers to their families.

When we look at the impact of a father’s absence, we see how lives are touched in a negative way. Check out the info graph created by the National Fatherhood Initiative for facts on this father crisis. A father’s absence can manifest in a child’s life as the following:

  • Increased risk for teen pregnancy
  • Increased risk for criminal behavior and jail time
  • Increased risk of poverty
  • Decreased health outcomes for mother and child
  • Poor educational outcomes.
  • Increased risk of substance abuse
  • Increased risk for obesity

I’m sure that you’ve seen how this plays out in homes across the country.  Dad leaves (or is not in the home) for whatever reason, and the family begins to suffer.  The mother-father relationship is fractured. The parent-child relationship is strained. And, the child is trying to make sense of who they are in this world. As well as, processing whether or not they are loved by their parents. Ultimately, the children begin to act out!

Through it all, this fact remains to be true.  The dad is impacted by his absence on a much deeper level than people realize. I’m convinced of this state…the more that I work with fathers.  With the exception of those really bad apples, a large majority of the fathers want to play a role in the lives of their children.  He is the one, who sees his role as provider, protector,  and teacher of his children. He is the role model for his son on how a man is to treat women. He is the model for his daughter on how she is to be treated by men. The family, which is believed by many to be the foundation of society, is operating at a huge deficit. When the family unit suffers, our society is guaranteed to suffer.

Where are the fathers? Why aren’t they sticking around for the long haul? Why was involved, responsible, and committed not a part of his story. There are so many valid reasons. Of them all, shame and guilt is the biggest culprit in my mind.  You don’t know how many times, we’ve had men opt out on a relationship with their children because they felt inadequate as a father. They’re not making the kind of money, that they want to make. Therefore, they don’t go around to see their kids. In their minds, it’s a valid excuse. But, time is more important than the money.  The statistics above prove that too us.  Many times, it’s the mom withholding the child. Why? She’s frustrated that it didn’t work out, and this is how to get back at him.  All too often, the family leaves due to the father being violent towards the mom. Domestic violence is never the way to lead as a father!

“A true father should be a standard feature…not a temporary option!”–Isaac Rowe

If you’re a father, and you’re reading this article.  Do whatever is in your power to stay involved, responsible, and committed to meeting the needs of your children.  Their well-being is counting on it. Most importantly, your legacy is being created one way or another. How you walk that out is completely up to you!  My prayer is that at the end of your life, your children (as well as mine) and their mothers will have nothing short of praise for us! Hopefully, our absence will not leave an abyss in our families.  But, will flood their hearts with the most important thing a father has to offer. LOVE!

grayscale photo of baby feet with father and mother hands in heart signs

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