A Father Heard

Another resolu….

January 1, 2019 A Father Heard

Yesterday, we let go of 2018! Today, we embraced 2019!

With this new year, the world is going crazy with resolutions for lives. The gyms are full of individuals looking to get healthy! The grocery carts are loaded with fruits, vegetables, and high quality proteins. The journals are receiving fresh marks of ink. Many of these are made with good intentions, and they’ll benefit a small portion of the population. However, much of the population will revert back to what is comfortable faster than the ink dries on that brand new journal.

Now, I don’t want you to think that I’m coming from a place of condemnation. That, my friend, is not my intention. I have become all too familiar with the process of starting with hopes high, only to fall flat on my face. Brutal!

There are the times when I’ve soared high like an eagle searching the country side! That’s when everything is working as I desired! In these moments, we’re feeling good about the decision to make changes in our lives. It’s easy to wake up at 4:30 a.m. for quiet time before the day gets away from us. It seems like the articles and podcasts are full of creativity, that will never dry out! The weight is falling off!

Things are clicking! But why is that? It’s simple!

Every result comes from action! And the opposite is true. If there’s no action, then we can expect to have no results. Make no mistake about it. Both are related to lifestyle choices. One will do work, and the other will choose not to work for it.

Human beings are the only creatures who have the ability to write down their goals and design their future. And here is why most of us don’t. We’re trapped either by regret of the past or the routine of the present.
Jim Rohn

I don’t know where you are currently located on the spectrum of life. Just know that another resolution isn’t the answer. I’m not saying to continue doing what doesn’t serve you. If you want to make changes, then make those changes. However, it means to figure out what you need to have in place to make your desires more attainable.

Here are a few suggestions:

Identify your priorities.
Find your purpose and passion, and fuel it with your WHY!
Set SMART goals.
Put your thoughts into a journal.
Find an accountability partner and/or mentor.

There are so many things that we can do to create results. But, they start with changing our mindset and our habits. So as the scripture tells us, “Write the the vision and make it plain!” I wish for you much fruit in this season! Isn’t that why you started in the first place?

Photo by rawpixel.com on Pexels.com

What, Exactly, Do Fathers Provide?

November 27, 2018November 27, 2018 A Father Heard

A few weeks ago, a discussion around fathers as providers became a topic for deliberation in our fatherhood group. And, the conversation was nothing short of spectacular! Who knew that guys have more things to talk about then women, cars, and sports? As someone, who sits with fathers on a daily basis sharing in their lived experiences as fathers, I’ve been privy to this phenomenon for some time.

When this conversation comes up; usually, the typical response for fathers around provision comes down to money for shelter and other basic needs. Granted those things are very important for the family’s well being. They are not the most important thing, that the dad brings to the proverbial table. If not, then what is it?

Why is provider, consistently, mentioned before any other traits to describe his role? As fathers, we’re hard-wired for doing. We constantly measure for progress and success to show that our doing is working in our favor. When we meet someone new, we quickly ask the following question: “What do you do?” It’s followed up with “I am a … (insert some occupation).” More often that not, it doesn’t lead to anything of significance for further discussion.

Often times, we’re engaging in doing something that we don’t like for the sole purpose of taking care of our family. It might be stealing our joy or time with our family, but we do it with little thought of the consequence or toll on our love ones. One thing I know this to be true is when I put my energy in places that it shouldn’t be, operating at my best is not possible. It’s a disservice to my well being.

As fathers, our children need us to be at our best for them. More importantly, they need us to be the best for ourselves. When he’s the best version of himself, he’s providing his children with so much more than basic needs. He’s providing them with everything that they need, which is a healthy, whole father loving himself for the sake of his family. Now, he’s giving from a completely different place. He’s giving from his heart, which was designed for unconditionally loving his family. He’s providing vision for the most important people entrusted to him. Ultimately, it will outlast the money for physical shelter and basic needs. This love is the building block for his legacy! When it’s all said and done, his family will have an accurate account of what he has done with his life.

What vision do you have for your family? What legacy do you want to leave? Fill free to comment below.

No Words!

November 8, 2018August 14, 2025 A Father Heard

This morning, I woke to the news of the shooting that took place in Thousand Oaks, California. And, immediately, I knew that this tragedy will start yet another discussion on the reasons for or against stricter gun laws. Truth be told! I’m sick of the insensitivity of both sides of the argument.

People are mourning over the loss of loved ones, while our country takes up their banner to promote their belief system. Let’s step down off of our moral high ground to show honor and respect for those, who are grieving.

No Words!

If you saw and heard the father of one of the victims, you would realize that there’s a time and a place for everything. As a father, the devastation in his voice touched me deeply! I can’t begin to imagine, what he might be feeling, as he processes the lost of his first born son.

Father Speaks Out Tragedy in Thousand Oaks

After watching the video on my timeline, I thought about my own children as they lay peacefully in their beds. Doing life with a two- and a four- year old is tiring and crazy! But, that’s what I signed up for as their father. God forbid that someone would take that away from me.

As a father, I want the ABSOLUTE best for my children. Why? Because, they are a part of me. I give my all to protecting my children from the demons of this world. And, this father has been stripped of his role of protector of his son’s well being. His heart has been ripped into peace like skin, that was penetrated by bullets. It’s been trampled like many of the individuals, who laid on the floor as the the shoots rang through that little bar. Think on that for a minute before you carry on with the gun control debate.

Hopefully, speechless has become a part of your arsenal to help heal a hurting community and Nation. Please…No more Words! Unless, you have words of encouragement to offer. As I finish clicking the keys on this laptop, I’ll get up and place gentle kisses on their heads. I’ll whisper these words into their ears: YOUR DADDY LOVES YOU! I’ll pray for those, who have been directly and indirectly impacted by this tragedy.

Why? Simply put! We need to recognize that life and death resides in the power of the tongue. The time will come to make your voice heard loud and clear. However, I believe that the time has come to be still.

It’s time for…No Words!

sunset person love people — Photo by Josh Willink on Pexels.com

I Tell You What!!!

November 5, 2018November 5, 2018 A Father Heard

If you haven’t heard it, let me be the first to tell you that marriage and parenting are AWESOME. However, they require a lot of work. If you’re not committed to putting in the work, then you might as well not embark on the journey.

Case in point!

My wife and I have been fighting an uphill battle with getting our toddler to sleep. She’s approaching three years of age, and one would think that she’s never had a sleep routine. And, she does. However, she’s determined to make the routine work in her favor.

Every day for as long as I can remember, we put her in her bed. She gets up. We put her back in the bed. She gets up. And, the same song and dance goes on and on until she falls asleep hours after putting her into her room.

We make the room comfortable for her. We make sure that she has music. We. We. We are putting in a lot of effort. But, the result on most nights is the same.

So, I decided to try something different. I set the firm boundary as directed in some parenting material on bedtime. However, I didn’t give the memo to her mother. Well, I did leave the material on the table. But, I didn’t let her know that I was prepared to use it.

What transpired next is that the failure to communicate led to a breakdown in further communication between my wife and I. Uh oh! How exactly did that happen? I’m so glad that you asked.

Well, I’m the firm one. My wife is firm in her own way. And, our daughter is very aware of this dynamic. After I set my firm boundary, which worked for quite some time until her mother arose from her studies. We found ourselves back at square one. This time, I decided that I was no longer a participant in the song and dance. I exited stage left. As I left, I stated that the two of them would have to decided who was going to be the boss without my input. That’s not a direct quote. But, something to that effect.

No harm! No foul! Or, so I thought!

My loving wife, who hadn’t been very firm with our child, became firm with her loving husband. Uh oh!

Now, we’re communicating. For the record, we weren’t cussing and yelling and screaming. However, the short conversation was very unproductive. Which means I went in my room and she continued putting the child to sleep. (You notice she went from my daughter to the child…right?)

In our frustration, we left it alone until the morning. Tension continues growing. And, everyone is in a bad mood. No one is courageous enough to put pride aside and talk to the other, and we let it fester. After the kids get out of the car for school, we attempt to have an assertive conversation about the previous night. Attempt. Both, still, in our feelings about the other’s actions makes it difficult to understand the other’s position. But, we tried and failed!

Eventually, we made it back on to the same page. It took the distance and time created by the work day. By the end of the day, we had grown tired of being frustrated and angry with each other. We gave the other the benefit of the doubt. We were able to, adequately, express our position and own our part in the situation.

So, It wasn’t my intention to hurt her feelings. It wasn’t her intention to hurt mine. Despite our intentions, we didn’t Speak Life into our situation. We allowed the song and dance of the bedtime routine to uncover our vulnerabilities as parents! And, I tell you what…

I’m glad that we did! Now, we’re a more united front in this thing called marriage and parenthood.

board game business challenge chess — Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

What has Your Faith System Taught You About Yourself?

October 29, 2018October 29, 2018 A Father Heard

When you think about faith and it’s impact on your life? What is the first thing that comes to your mind? What rises up in your flesh; as well as, your spirit? What do you take hold of as apart of your own beliefs? What do you cast off by the way side?

When one begins to think about faith, how did they come to a particular faith or lack of faith? Are you, merely, operating out of what you were taught by your parents? Perhaps, your faith is due to being born in a certain region of the world. No matter how you came to a particular belief system, you must learn something about you as a person. If you’re not learning and growing; you’re, fooling yourself!

“’Christians’ need to be asked some serious questions. I’m tired of how shallow most people’s faith is…”–Joshua Banks

The statement above came from a good friend of mine after an interesting conversation about knowing oneself. Particularly, how faith is a key component of knowing oneself. For me, it is the rudder steering the ship of my life. When I’m most aligned with my belief system, my ship is full steam ahead. At times, I find myself out of alignment for numerous reasons. Consequently, I experience difficulties with navigating the ship. The waters become murky. The waves are larger than life itself. Next thing you know, I’m way off course. Once I come to my senses, my faith is quickly restored. Now, I’m moving in the right direction.

All too often, we don’t study, practice, and teach our beliefs. When we neglect any or all of these, we can find ourselves in a position of not knowing who we are. We start acting and behaving in ways, which are not consistent with our character. Most importantly, not consistent with our professed system of faith. Or, we find ourselves going through the motions. Merely, faking it! What happens when we stop faking it?

When we begin to draw near to God, He draws near to us. If you’re not familiar with the story of the Prodigal Son, you can find it here. The story tells us about a young man, who left home with an inheritance. He went off to a far off place, where He was doing any and everything under the sun. At some point after wasting his inheritance, the son comes to himself and returns to his home. He had become unrecognizable. As he is approaching, his father recognizes him. Then, runs to receive him with open arms. Ultimately, the father throws a welcome home party for the son.

His identity was quickly restored through his actions. Despite his waywardness, he was the exact same person that his father always knew. His father knew, solely, based on their relationship. Despite the distance and the son’s behavior, their relationship hadn’t changed one bit for the father. The father knew himself. It was the son, who lost sight of himself.

At the same time, while this father and son is rekindling their relationship, the other son is having a case of amnesia brought on by his own identity crisis. He, too, didn’t know who he was to his father. And, he hadn’t left the house. He had been there the whole time, and didn’t recognize his own worth and value. He didn’t realize the love, that was ever present for him.

As a father, I can say that I love my two children equally. There’s no favoritism of one over the other. However, our relationships are very different. I see them as individuals. Therefore, I love them differently. But, I don’t love one more than the other. No matter what they do. I love them!

Back to the question at hand. What does my faith system tell me about myself? My faith tells me, that I’m loved by the most high. It tells me, that the Creator is delighted in me. That he knew me inside of my mother’s womb. With this knowledge, I understand that there’s nothing that I can do to add to it or take away from that love. And, as the song states “I’m fully known and loved!”