A Father Heard

Fatherhood is Important!

October 21, 2018November 5, 2018 A Father Heard

The thought of not being able to see my children for an extended period of time is unfathomable to me. Yet in this country, there are 19.7 million children living without a father in the home according to the 2017 U.S. Census Bureau. This figure is down from 25.4 million children a few years ago. But, it’s still unacceptable! If it doesn’t upset you, then you must not understand the importance of fathers to their families.

When we look at the impact of a father’s absence, we see how lives are touched in a negative way. Check out the info graph created by the National Fatherhood Initiative for facts on this father crisis. A father’s absence can manifest in a child’s life as the following:

Increased risk for teen pregnancy
Increased risk for criminal behavior and jail time
Increased risk of poverty
Decreased health outcomes for mother and child
Poor educational outcomes.
Increased risk of substance abuse
Increased risk for obesity

I’m sure that you’ve seen how this plays out in homes across the country. Dad leaves (or is not in the home) for whatever reason, and the family begins to suffer. The mother-father relationship is fractured. The parent-child relationship is strained. And, the child is trying to make sense of who they are in this world. As well as, processing whether or not they are loved by their parents. Ultimately, the children begin to act out!

Through it all, this fact remains to be true. The dad is impacted by his absence on a much deeper level than people realize. I’m convinced of this state…the more that I work with fathers. With the exception of those really bad apples, a large majority of the fathers want to play a role in the lives of their children. He is the one, who sees his role as provider, protector, and teacher of his children. He is the role model for his son on how a man is to treat women. He is the model for his daughter on how she is to be treated by men. The family, which is believed by many to be the foundation of society, is operating at a huge deficit. When the family unit suffers, our society is guaranteed to suffer.

Where are the fathers? Why aren’t they sticking around for the long haul? Why was involved, responsible, and committed not a part of his story. There are so many valid reasons. Of them all, shame and guilt is the biggest culprit in my mind. You don’t know how many times, we’ve had men opt out on a relationship with their children because they felt inadequate as a father. They’re not making the kind of money, that they want to make. Therefore, they don’t go around to see their kids. In their minds, it’s a valid excuse. But, time is more important than the money. The statistics above prove that too us. Many times, it’s the mom withholding the child. Why? She’s frustrated that it didn’t work out, and this is how to get back at him. All too often, the family leaves due to the father being violent towards the mom. Domestic violence is never the way to lead as a father!

“A true father should be a standard feature…not a temporary option!”–Isaac Rowe

If you’re a father, and you’re reading this article. Do whatever is in your power to stay involved, responsible, and committed to meeting the needs of your children. Their well-being is counting on it. Most importantly, your legacy is being created one way or another. How you walk that out is completely up to you! My prayer is that at the end of your life, your children (as well as mine) and their mothers will have nothing short of praise for us! Hopefully, our absence will not leave an abyss in our families. But, will flood their hearts with the most important thing a father has to offer. LOVE!

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Domestic Violence Awareness Month (DVAM)

October 6, 2018October 8, 2018 A Father Heard

In case, you didn’t know October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month or DVAM. What is DVAM? It’s a time in which many domestic violence organizations and their supporters come together to honor the ones who have lost their lives, support survivors, and those in the field work together to raise the awareness levels of the community members. Across the nation, individuals are asked to take a stand against this insidious crime. Here’s a history lesson on DVAM from the National Resource Center on Domestic Violence.

As a man, why did I chose this topic of discussion? Well, I think it’s time for good guys to stand up for the voiceless. It’s not enough to agree, that harming your loved ones is bad. Yes, that’s true! But, are you willing to talk to your abusive friend? Can you point your neighbor, who’s been abused, to the closest resource (NDVH or to DV experts in your local area) for help? Or, do we turn a blind eye and a deaf ear? That is my fear. All to often, victims feel alone due to the isolation from friends and families. The days of worrying, only, for your four and no more are not going to cut it. People are losing their lives on a daily basis. Children are experiencing trauma from growing up in a home with an abusive parent using power and control over their partner. It’s about time to connect what we know inside of our heads as wrong to how we feel in our hearts about the wrong doing being done in this society.

What is domestic violence? Simply put! It’s when an individual exerts their will by any means necessary on another person. That can happen in many forms, i.e. physical, sexual, emotional, intimidation, threats, coercion, and financial abuse. Typically, the most common form of violence is physical in nature. Most of us are familiar with the physical laying of hands on a partner. Here are a few stats about domestic violence:

1 in 3 women & 1 in 4 men have been victims of [some form of] physical violence by an intimate partner within their lifetime.
1 in 4 women & 1 in 7 men have been victims of severe physical violence by an intimate partner in their lifetime.
1 in 7 women & 1 in 18 men have been stalked by an intimate partner during their lifetime to the point in which they felt very fearful or believed that they or someone close to them would be harmed or killed.
It takes a person 7 attempts to leave and not return to a domestic violence situation. Once they leave, they are at the greatest danger of losing their lives.

If you’ve never experienced this inside of your home or with a family member, consider yourself blessed. It’s not an easy, but the support is necessary if the survivor desires the help. I’ve spent the last 15+ years working with families, that have been torn apart. They’ve come to live in shelters, with very few things from their homes, searching for a place of solace. A place of peace where they don’t have to walk on egg shells. For the first time in a long time, some are able to rest without fear. Unfortunately, for some, fear is ever present. And, even though, they are experiencing a place of peace and rest. Many are dealing with the shame and guilt associated with being a survivor of the abuse. For those of us in the field, we dedicate our lives to facilitate the healing process. Unfortunately, not all will find their healing. But, we continue to fight and educate. Most importantly, we love!

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Trust the Process

October 3, 2018October 6, 2018 A Father Heard

If you didn’t get a chance to take a look at my last article, feel free to check it out here. Most of today was, pretty much, filled with speakers and attendees sharing pictures and take-a-ways from the conference. As one of the co-founders, I really didn’t have the opportunity to enjoy the event like the attendees. There were mishaps with communication, a sick keynote, and many other things. The RSVP’s didn’t match up with the number in attendance, and they never do. But, don’t get me wrong! What I took away from the event is to TRUST THE PROCESS. Yes, I realize that typing in all caps has a particular meaning. But, I don’t care! The conference was off the chain!

All too often, we get caught up in the details at the expense of the overall goal. We idolize the minute details, while ignoring the big picture. The details serve a purpose to get us to the destination. The finished product. Why don’t we always have the faith to believe the outcome will happen, exactly, as it is meant to happen? TRUST THE PROCESS means to let go of everything that you don’t have control over in the moment. The band might not be able to make it. OK! Where do we go from this point? Breathe and relax! Guess what? They were able to make it after all. What do you mean the closing keynote is sick? No worries! Dude on the team is an amazing speaker, and ready to fill in the need. And, he showed up and showed out for us!

Isn’t that what life is all about? Something unexpected happens, then you assess the situation and respond. Adapt and overcome! Recognize that change might become a part of your process. When soldiers are in combat and things start to get stressful, they breathe. Why? To gain control of their emotions in order to assess the situation and make appropriate decisions. The more chaotic the situation, the calmer you need to be in that situation. That allows you the ability to gain clarity, which lends itself to being able to TRUST THE PROCESS.

Now, I’m not saying to neglect the details. That is part of the process. You can’t make a cake without all the ingredients. You can’t fix a car without the necessary parts. The details serve a purpose. Just don’t get fixated on them! The blueprint is not the actual building! It’s your guide along the journey! So, sit back and enjoy the ride! That’s what we ultimately did…at the celebration dinner! Always, TRUST THE PROCESS.

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“You Should Meet Someone!”

September 30, 2018September 30, 2018 A Father Heard

This Saturday, the team and I invited men ages 16+ to attend the second annual Mastering Manhood Conference. The purpose of the Mastering Manhood Conference is to empower for personal and professional development. We seek to inspire and encourage men to embrace community, responsibility, education, family, and legacy. To challenge and strengthen our men and young men to be leaders. What does that mean? We believe reclaiming the individual’s ideal of his manhood will redefine his community. At the intersection of reclaiming masculinity and redefining community, you’ll find a man walking a journey to a healthier version of himself.

In this day and age, we see many terms thrown around to define certain things. We’re not interested in aligning with those buzzwords. What we want to see is for men to be, who they are meant to be at the innermost of their core. Too many times, that is lost through life a person’s experiences, i.e. absent father, broken relationships, chasing success, etc. Through these experiences, the man loses his purpose. And, a man without a purpose is a danger to himself and society. We desire to change it.

The “Art of the Comeback” was this year’s theme for the conference. I don’t think anyone left away disappointed. The speakers and men in attendance were in one accord on this day. And, it was a tremendous time of inspiration, reflection, connection, and compassion. Words not, often, associated with men. It is, however, what we aimed for when we thought about creating this event. It has become an exciting and safe space for men to be men without their masks. Vulnerable! Hungry! Passionate for change!

How, exactly, did this event come into existence. It started with a follow through on “You should meet someone!” and a challenge to “Dream Big” after two different meetings. Those two statements uttered two years ago, set the stage for three friends to take on the task of designing the Mastering Manhood Conference. As we followed the recommendation to meeting someone, we came face to face with our own vulnerabilities, hunger, and passion for change. Totally in alignment with the vision, we stumbled upon an actualization of our purpose as you can see in the picture below. This young man flew from the Midwest to Texas to participate in the conference. Unsure of what to expect, he arrived with an open heart. He left filled, and ready to accept the challenge of “meeting someone” and finding his own purpose.

The Pain In My Back (part 2)

September 16, 2018September 17, 2018 A Father Heard

If you’ve never experienced a vertebral subluxation, you should count yourself blessed. In my last article, I started writing about my experience with this condition. After what was an extremely challenging week, it was followed with a week of improvement and progress. Much of the pain has left my body; as well as, the tingling in my feet. After several days of chiropractic adjustments and stretching, I can say that I feel much better. I can get in and out of the car without pain. I can pick up my little ones.

Thinking about how this condition came out of no where, it reminds me of how life can take a turn on us at a moments notice. One minute everything is going well, there isn’t a care in the world. All of sudden, there’s an application of pressure calling on us to adjust to this situation. Depending on our foundation, our adjustments will facilitate or impede or progress. If you go back to my previous article, you see how it ends with an affirmation of what is an expectation of a quick recovery. My foundation is rooted in my faith, that my God is a healer. At the same time, my faith requires something of me. It requires me to follow the treatment plan. It requires me to rest my body. It requires me to align my body and mind.

adult back view blur boy — Photo by Spencer Selover on Pexels.com